This week’s Emerson essay is about Behavior, also known as manners. Manners are “the visible carriage or action of the individual, as resulting from his organization and his will combined.” Manners are more than saying please and thank you, they are the outward expression in society of who you are on the inside. Therefore, if you have been following along with me through The Conduct of Life, you will not be surprised to know that in Emerson’s view you either have good manners or you don’t, they cannot be taught. The idea here being that if you are working on all of the other things Emerson writes about in Fate, Power, Wealth, and Culture, good manners are a natural consequence.
Since good manners can’t be taught, what’s the point of this essay? Emerson spends a lot of time talking about the advantages good manners bring a person. He believes that if you have good manners, you will be welcome anywhere and everywhere. He relates several anecdotes, lending this essay a bit of a Montaigne flavor that makes the essay feel more relaxed though no less finely reasoned.
My favorite story is one about a monk named Basle. Basle was excommunicated by the Pope and at his death an angel was sent to find him a “fit place of suffering in hell.” But Basle had such good manners he charmed even the most uncivil angels and his influence actually began to improve their manners. This makes me wonder why he was excommunicated in the first place, but that is not part of the story. When the good angels start coming to visit Basle in hell for the delight of his company, the powers that be realize there is no place even in the deepest pits of hell that will cause Basle to suffer. The man was a “contented spirit” and no matter what the condition, “Basle remained incorrigibly Basle.” His sentence remitted, Basle was whisked up to heaven and canonized as a saint. The lesson here is two-fold. Emerson means to demonstrate “the basis of good manners is self-reliance.” The person who is self-reliant is also self-possessed, a quality that comes in handy when you’re getting a tour of hell. The other lesson is that no matter how bad the manners of those around you, it is no excuse for you to behave likewise. In such a case you must be an example and by your good manners raise the quality of manners of those about you.
Emerson spends a few pages kvetching about people with poor manners. He gripes about those who are “rude, cynical, restless and frivolous,” those who take over a perfectly fine conversation and talk about things they don’t understand or try to puff themselves up to more than they are. Or even worse, they tell you their woes and misfortunes and expect you to take pity on them. There is a helpful excerpt from Emerson’s diary footnoted here that reveals Emerson’s frustration:
We are forced to treat a great part of mankind like crazy persons. We readily discover their mania and humor it, so that conversation soon becomes a tiresome effort. We humor a democrat, a whig, a rich man, an antiquary, a woman,a slaveholder and so on. All Dr. –’s opinions are incipient insanities, and not very incipient either.
And of course, he finds it absurd that there need to be signs posted in reading-rooms reminding people to be quiet, or signs in museums instructing people not to strike the marble statuary with their canes. I find it rather absurd myself. I shake my head in wonder at people smoking in front of signs that say no smoking or stand next to the no cell phones sign in the lobby where I work screaming at their boyfriends or confiding dark secrets or the details of their therapy session to a friend.
If you think you can hide your bad manners by pretending while in good company to have good manners, think again. At some point your body will give you away and it will likely be your eyes:
The face and eyes reveal what the spirit is doing, how old it is, what aims it has. The eyes indicate the antiquity of the soul, or through how many forms it has already ascended. It almost violates the proprieties if we say above the breath here what the confessing eyes do not hesitate to utter to every street passenger.
Emerson doesn’t just believe the eyes are the window to the soul, but also that the “eye obeys exactly the action of the mind.” Emerson encourages us to learn to read people in their eyes and to believe their eyes before we believe their words. I am one of those people whose eyes do indeed give away everything. Just ask my mom. When I was a kid she’d catch me in a lie nine times out of ten because she said my eyes gave me away. Likewise she could tell the state of my health and often knew I wasn’t feeling well even before I could articulate it. As you may have guessed, I was not one of those kids who could fool their parents into letting them stay home from school because they were sick.
“There are eyes, to be sure, that give no more admission into the man than blueberries,” Emerson admits. But even this kind of person will give themselves away eventually either by voice, breath, attitude, or even walk. Do not follow the advice of President George W. Bush when he said, “fool me once, shame on–shame on you. Fool me–you can’t get fooled again.” Better to trust Emerson when he says, “the reason why men do not obey us is because they can see the mud at the bottom of our eye.”
Next week’s Emerson: Worship
“Basle remained incorrigibly Basle.”
So this saint, then, is representative of manners by being himself at all times? Cool. I’m always myself, so I suppose that passes for manners, which are apparently different from etiquette, which CAN be taught and varies from situation to situation. voluminous tomes have been written on it, and make for great bathroom reading, as if you run out of toilet tissue you can grab a few pages from the middle without missing much.
so we should be ourselves boldly, not changing our presentation of ourselves to suit others. I approve mightily. I don’t see what being cynical has to do with NOT being able to do this, though.
Why do I get the feeling that bad manners are just any thought or behaviour that Emerson doesn’t personally like?
Sylvia beat me to the punch. I am becoming a fan of Emerson nonetheless!
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Emerson always has his ideosyncratic take on the matter, but he’s never wrong in its import. I think the world would be a MUCH nicer place if everyone minded their manners a bit. I think the point of the anecdote about Basle is that he was polite and charming even when he was in hell, which is about as good a definition of manners as you can probably get.
Doktorholocaust, yes, Emerson believes firmly in integrity, but Basle had manners, he was charming and generous and kind and it was not an act. So as long as you are a good person with good manners, you should be yourself. But is you are a bad person affecting good manners, you are a liar.
There is a lot that Emerson doesn’t like Sylvia, but for him good manners come from a person’s soul, they aren’t about what fork to use first at a dinner party, good manners are an expression of your deepest self and because of this, good manners are not predicated on whether you are rich or poor, but what kind of person you are.
Heather, Emerson is becoming more and more enjoyable reading as I go along.
You are right Litlove, Basle had character and integrity because he was well behaved even when those around him were not. A good lesson on not giving in to peer pressure.
but what if we are a cynic and act cynical? is that okay? can we be cynics with integrity and not feel the wrath of Emerson’s Chairleg of Truth? He would have hated me. I am a liar, an equivocator, a double-talking wheeling deeling affect-flattened antisocial schemer and teller of tall tales.
Then again, I could probably outbowl emerson, and definitely out-spout him when it comes to spouting pure weirdness.
Emerson is wonderful. I believe that if we human kind simply had even a touch more manners, there would be less road rage. I do, however, believe manners can be taught. This brain of our can create new brain cells. We are creatures of habit, and habits can change. I think a lack of manners begins with lack of parental training. Ah, would that we all would use “please and thank you”. My husband and I are polite to each other after 19 years and it has kept our relationship VERY close. Enjoyed the reading – thanks!
Emerson is wonderful. I believe that if we human kind simply had even a touch more manners, there would be less road rage. I do, however, believe manners can be taught. This brain of ours can create new brain cells. We are creatures of habit. Habits can change with mindful training. I think a lack of manners begins with lack of parental training. Ah, would that we all would use “please and thank you”. My husband and I are polite to each other after 19 years and it has kept our relationship VERY close. Enjoyed the reading – thanks!
You’re not allowed to be cynical in Emerson’s universe Doktoholocaust. You are exactly the kind of person he is fighting againt. However, you are very likely right on the bowling and the weirdness
Marsha, Emerson thinks training in good manners should begin with the very young too, but his idea of training is more of an education of the mind, body, and spirit than please and thank you. I agree with you though, politeness goes a long way in marriages and friendships.
Who said it was Emerson’s universe? I am Pro-cynical, pro-misanthropy, pro-snarkiness, and emerson can go fuss over his bean-crop! You know what they say about beans – the more you eat, the more you toot, and as far as I can tell that’s all his essays are – a bunch of flatulence! Not even the good, deep, healing intonations of well-trained Bung-Fu or Pyroflatulation, but the weak, feeble, watery-with-little-dingleberries-flying-out farts of the academic snob!