Still reading, and listening, to The Iliad. Listening we are up to Achilles finding out Patroclus died. In reading, I am a few books behind and just finished the part where Hera seduces Zeus to make him fall asleep so Poseidon can help the Acheans.
Homer knows how to write a story. When the blood and gore get to be too much he will suddenly toss in 10-15 lines of lovely metaphor. Granted, this lovely metaphor usually ends in the brutal death of someone, but it gives the reader a brief respite. There’s also loads of manly man boasting, each fighter telling the other how much better he is and how very dead his opponent will be as soon as the boasting is done. It’s kind of funny.
What was really funny though was Zeus coming on to Hera. Hera gets herself all gussied up and even borrows a belt from Aphrodite guaranteed to make Zeus want her. Hera shows up at Zeus’s place to tell him she’s just going to pop over and visit Tethys for a spell. As soon as Zeus sees Hera at his door he wants her bad and so he turns on the charm:
“Why hurry, Hera?”–
Zeus who gathers the breasting clouds replied,
“that is a journey you can make tomorrow. Now–
come, let’s go to bed, let’s lose ourselves in love!
Never has such a lust for goddess or mortal woman
flooded my pounding heart and overwhelmed me so.
Not even then, when I made love to Ixion’s wife
who bore me Pirithous, rival to all the gods in wisdom…
not when I loved Acrisius’ daughter Danaë–marvelous ankles–
and Perseus sprang to life an excelled all men alive…
not when I stormed Europa, far-famed Phoeniz’ daughter
who bore me Minos and Rhadamanthys grand as gods…
not even Semele, not even Alcmena queen of Thebes
who bore me a son, that lionheart, that Heracles,
not when I loved Demeter, queen of the lustrous braids–
not when I bedded Leto ripe for glory–
Not even you!
That was nothing to how I hunger for you now–
irresistible longing lays me low!”
Oh Zeus, you sweet talker you. You really know how to make a woman feel good by saying you lust after her more than all your other girlfriends. If Hera wasn’t the one actually doing the seducing, she’d slap him in the face, call him a cad and slam the door hard enough to shake some dust out of the marble rafters. But instead she plays coy and teases him a bit before the camera pans to a fireworks display and then back to robes on the floor and Hera and Zeus entwined in a post-coital snooze.
If Zeus’s little speech was supposed to be seductive, then I’m glad Homer didn’t attempt to write a sex scene. He rightly fills the story with what he’s best at–describing all the ways one man can kill another with a bronze spear.
I believe that qualifies as Too Much Information. “You’re the best ever!” is usually sufficient!
Lol! I’ve read The Iliad dozens of times and I’d completely forgotten about that passage. What makes it so funny is that if Hera wasn’t trying to get something from him, she may very well have smacked him. Hera was no wilting flower in the face of her husband’s infidelities. She was notoriously vindictive, which only seems to make Zeus’ clueless “seduction” all the more funny.
Lust does tend to turn both mortals and gods stupid, Zeus amusingly being no exception. You make me want to re-read The Iliad…or listen to it narrated!
Yup, that’s clearly a guy speech, and after hearing that great list of girlfriends you’d probably be asking for a medical test rather than welcoming him in with open arms! Oh and I must say that ‘all gussied up’ is just the most beautiful verbal construction. Must appropriate it.
That is too funny — I’d forgotten the Iliad could be that much fun
Homer has limits on Homerness I guess. Ankles?
The Hood Company
LOL!
Heh, Sylvia. Even “hey baby what’s your sign?” would have been better.
J.S. you are right, it is Zeus’s cluelessness that makes it even funnier. He’s not very happy when he wakes up either!
Imani, listening to The Iliad is great fun.
Litlove, glad you like all gussied up. My mom is from Oklahoma and it is a phrase that frequently pops up in her and her sister’s conversations.
Dorothy, there is some fun to be had amidst the horrible battle scenes.
Brian, ankles can be very alluring.
Zeus is pretty much always clueless.
I’m sure Hera wasn’t surprised. She knows that Zeus is always fooling around, which is why she borrowed the belt in the first place.
Marvelous ankles!
Man…..I read the Iliad in school. I took a class in Mythology, and absolutely loved it! I really need to revisit both the Illiad and the Odyssey again! Great Post!
You’re right Ted, but isn’t that what most people who are in charge of things are like?
Thanks Stephanie!
LOL! I finished reading The Iliad last week and I thought the same thing at that scene. While I can’t say I enjoyed the book, I can say I read it and had Hollywood-like scenes running through my head. I will be picking up The Odyssey soon. At least that one’s not so full of entrails and popping-out eyeballs.
Petunia, I know exactly what you mean about the entrails and the popping-out eyeballs as well as the Hollywood-like scenes in your head! Hope you enjoy the Odyssey. I’m planning on reading it when I’m done with The Iliad.