I’ve continued to read the essays in Anne Fadiman’s book Rereadings here and there. So far they have been delightful. An author’s passion for a particular book often makes me want to run out and read it too. But I realized I didn’t want to read the book, I wanted the author’s experience of reading the book. What I am enjoying is the writer’s enjoyment of the book and the story that he or she tells about it.

And that’s something else, these stories. Each essay has a story to tell about how the writer came to read the book in the first place, what he or she remembers of the first experience of reading said book and any subsequent readings. Then there is the story of what brought the writer to read the book again generally after a span of many years. The more personal the stories, the more I enjoy the essay.

Some of the writers make speculations about the act of reading and rereading as well as comparisons between reading as a child and reading as an adult. Arthur Krystal made an interesting observation:

Once the young reader gets past the stage where the brain sucks in books as if they were bubbles of oxygen, he or she begins to sense that Melville is doing something different from Steinbeck, and that Dickens and Balzac resemble each other in certain respects, but not in all. As children, we crossed wide-eyed and trusting into the writer’s world; as adults, we invite the writer into ours and hold him accountable for how he behaves there.

I haven’t decided whether I agree with him or not. Maybe it’s because I don’t have a good sense of what reading meant to me as a child. I loved reading, I know that, and I spent a lot of time doing it. But that’s not all I did. I was also busy with my bike and roller skates and skateboard and my best friend who lived two houses away from me. She had a swimming pool in her backyard, a big in-ground one. She also had an Atari with Ms Pacman. I had a big backyard and a Barbie RV as well as a ping pong table that, with the help of old blankets draped down the sides, turned into a nice “tent.” Books were important to me–my mom always complained when I was old enough and people would send money for birthdays and Christmas instead of toys that I would spend it all on books–but reading happened when I wasn’t busy doing other things.

I know I didn’t read critically as a kid, but I also know I didn’t read entirely without criticism. There were books I didn’t like, though maybe I couldn’t say exactly why. I don’t know that I was more trusting then either. As an adult, whenever I open a new book I am ready to be swept away and wowed. I trust from the start that the book will be good. I do not start a book expecting the author to win me over. I am already won over. I’m easy. When a book goes wrong for me it’s because the author has disappointed me somehow, has betrayed my trust and faith.

I don’t feel as though I invite the writer into my world. I see every book as it’s own, self-contained world into which I travel. When my Bookman and I are both reading can’t-put-down books and we come to a point in the day where we can sit and read, side-by-side, we look at each other with silly grins on our faces. One of us will say, “see you later!” and the other will say, “have a good trip!” Books have always felt like traveling to me.

Maybe that’s why I have difficulty with Krystal’s description of childhood vs adult reading. He, and he is not the only one because Pico Iyer describes the difference similarly, sucked in the books, breathed them, ate them, somehow consumed them. I don’t experience reading as consumption. I do not consume books because when I read “I” disappear. That’s why I liken reading to traveling, because I “go away” for awhile. The best books are the ones that make me forget I am sitting in bed reading a book. The worst books are the ones that don’t let me “go” anywhere. Most books are somewhere in between.

I have no idea where I am going with this or what I am trying to say. Thinking out loud I guess because the essays made me feel a little as though I missed something when I was a kid. Consuming a book sounds so exciting. And since several authors had book-consuming childhoods I sort of felt like an oddball. But I wouldn’t change my book “traveling” for anything. Oh the things I’ve “seen” and the people I have been!

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