You’ve heard about speed dating, right? You and a complete stranger get 5-10 minutes to make a connection, a bell goes off and you start all over with another stranger. Someone I know used to do this and somehow it always seemed demoralizing to me. She must have thought so too as she eventually gave up on it. At the end of the evening you turn in the names of those you wouldn’t mind meeting again and then, well, it seems you generally never get any follow up.
So I felt a combination of horror and amusement when I saw that the Minnesota Library Association is sponsoring a “read dating” event. I suppose it could be a good way for single librarians and/or bookworms to find potential partners in love. I imagine it might be quite easy to measure possible compatibility by judging someone else’s literary tastes. I mean, if the guy you are talking to absolutely loves Norman Mailer and has spent thousands of dollars on collecting first editions and has named his pets and plants after Mailer characters and dreams of naming his firstborn Norman, while you despise Mailer and the mere mention of anything he has written makes you want to barf, you probably won’t be the best match.
Likewise if you absolutely adore poetry, love going to readings and own more poetry books than fiction while the woman you are talking with thinks poetry is crap and reads only fiction, she’s probably not the companion you’ve been dreaming of taking along to the next big slam.
Dating someone–or not–based on what they like to read is just as valid as some of the other silly reasons people choose to go on a date. At least by knowing what a person likes to read you are a step ahead of the more surface reasons like he’s cute or she has pretty hair.
Have you ever accepted or turned down a date based on what you knew of his or her reading habits? I can’t say that I have. But when I met my Bookman and found out he liked to read and that we liked many of the same books, let’s just say that bit of information didn’t hurt his chances for future dates.
I haven’t accepted or turned down a date based on reading habits, but I can’t imagine dating someone who wasn’t a reader at all. (And good taste in books definitely helps. My last boyfriend read me a gorgeous passage from Swann’s Way aloud, early in our relationship, and later, we read aloud to each other from A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Dog … though he didn’t like me reading John Donne to him. Before him, my then-girlfriend and I would read children’s books aloud together — Swallows and Amazons, Howl’s Moving Castle — alternating chapters.)
Not a bad idea in principle, but you’re only allowed to talk about three books? LibraryThing could probably do a better job of matching people based on their entire libraries. Maybe bookstores should have singles nights to boost their sales. If all those annoying eHarmony ads are any indication, it’s a big market.
I have been swayed in my decision to stay or go by the books on the shelf of people I was considering dating. Lots of books, regardless of subject, was infinitely better than no books! Books that looked interesting were a plus — books that I had already read and loved were extra plus! (The fact that T. had four bookshelves full of fascinating books and more piled up everywhere and MORE in boxes in the basement certainly worked in her favor!!)
While acknowledging that two people involved in a really good loving relationship do not necessarily have to be the same in all areas [and umm...... hopefully they are WAY different in some real important areas....... never mind....] but seriously, having said this, I just cannot imagine being with someone and they just do not appreciate books and literature and stuff like that.
I feel that there would just be too many ideological, artistic, and conversational doors closed in such a relationship. At least for me. And this may sound crazy, but I think the main disparity in an unequally-yoked situation like this, the main thing that would suffer is — wit.
Wittiness.
I would NEVER have married my husband if compatibility in reading had been our criterion – lol! Generally, he doesn’t read, or if he does, he reads as if he were alone in a nuclear bunker and it’s impossible to get any sense out of him until the book is finished. Naturally, as the mother around here, I envy this ability enormously, as I’m lucky to get ten uninterrupted moments together with a book when the family’s at home!
I really like this idea (I also think music dating would be a good idea). I haven’t turned down a date because of reading tastes but I did kind of break up over reading once (there were other issues, I’m not crazy). He spent all his free time with computers (more specifically working when out of the office), while I spent a lot of time reading so we really only film as a common interest. Our tastes on that subject were so opposite I think it was for the best.
My husband and I read totally different genres, and it’s never been an issue. He reads news, books on things like politics, economics, math! Igh. He thinks my fantasy and J Fic books are silly (not to mention all the animal books). We have lots of interesting conversations sharing the different stuff we read. On the other hand, I know I could never have married someone who doesn’t read at all. I once dated a very nice guy who had dyslexia and literally could not read. I knew it would not work out between us.
Reading material was not one of my criteria, but probably should have been. It might have helped.
Hmm. Wonder if I could’ve saved myself a few divorces if I’d put reading compatibility first? Probably not.
How’s your shin? That sounds painful! yet tough.
Heather, wooing with Proust, I like it!
Sylvia, I know the three book limit kind of make things hard, but I’m thinking it’s just there to keep people from feeling pressured. You know book people won’t be able to talk about just three books
I think a bookstore doing something like this is a great idea.
Daphne, you’re right, books on a shelf even if you don’t like them are better than no books in a potential date. Seems like you and T were definitely meant for each other
Cipriano, interesting that you connect wit with bookishness. I’ve never thought much about it but I can see the connection.
Litlove, heh, your husband got lucky books weren’t one of your requirements. That’s funny that when he does read he can block things out so completely. An admirable ability unless you are trying to get his attention
Jodie, music dating is also an interesting idea. Reading, even if you read vastly different things, does provide a commonality, doesn’t it? It’s not insurmountable, but very hard if there are other things lacking as you indicate. And even if you had broken up with the guy because of reading tastes, I wouldn’t have thought you crazy
Jeane, it can be interesting when the partner likes to read very different things than you do. That’s neat that you and your husband have great conversations because of it.
Grad, oh you never know, but in the first flushes of love all our well outlined criteria generally fly out the window anyway so it might not have made a difference.
Carrie, maybe reading and initial reaction to your yarn stash would have helped tip you off?
Shin is slowly getting better even though it looks worse.
I had a friend who went speed-dating and according to him, a book would have helped a lot as a conversation starter. I guess you might as well find someone else who reads if you’re actively looking!
I haven’t turned down a date because of reading tastes but I did kind of break up over reading once. He spent all his free time with computers, while I spent a lot of time reading so we really only film as a common interest. Our tastes on that subject were so opposite I think it was for the best.
I have lots of interesting conversations sharing the different stuff i read. On the other hand, I know I could never have married someone who doesn’t read at all.
At first, I thought read dating sounded silly. But, hello, self! The BF and I met in a Shakespeare class and started our wooing in an American lit class–I was an English major and he an English minor. Over five years later, literature remains one of our favorite topics.
I can’t imagine being with someone who didn’t adore reading. If I were single, I might consider checking read dating out!
Interesting. I’ve never dated anyone who reads. I mean they’ve all been literate but none have them have understood my desires to read everything and anything. Luckily I’ve dated men who have been interested in hearing about what I’m reading. Of course currently I’m single so I’m not sure what that says about me or what I read!
Funny! I’d say book-compatibility for me is important but not essential. One person I have in mind in particular was very compatible in terms of bookish taste, but when we had a date, it wasn’t a romantic success… but he became a friend instead. So at any rate it’s not completely lost!
I never accepted or turned down a date based on reading habits, but I’ve certainly judged retroactively, and of course, one of the first things Bob and I ever discussed was books, which made me think a date with him MIGHT be interesting. And then Anna Karenina sealed that.