The Paris Review has a post up today about crying while reading. The post author talks about when she read “The Little Match Girl” at the age of seven and found herself crying uncontrollably a few times at school. She was so embarrassed about being sad over a story that she made up excuses when her teachers tried to find out what was the matter. I was struck by her being embarrassed about crying over a book already at the tender age of seven. American culture doesn’t like it when people cry in public for anything other than a funeral or some sort of traumatic event. Crying during a movie is tolerated because you are in the dark and no one can see you, but if you start sobbing loudly I am sure people in your vicinity would not be pleased.
Crying while reading a book is frowned upon if you are anything besides alone. So what is a reader in public to do when the tears begin to flow? Luckily, the Paris Review linked to an article at BookRiot, What to Do When Books Make You Cry on Public Transportation. I’ve been taking public transit to work for the last four years and I must admit that I have had to stifle tears a few times. My technique for hiding my tears varies depending on the time of day. If it is morning, then I go for the fake yawn and start rubbing my eyes. No crying here, these are yawn tears and bed eyes, what do you expect for 6:45 in the morning?
If it is a summer afternoon I start sniffling like I have a stuffed nose, pretend I am going to sneeze, and then start rubbing my eyes. Allergies people, I have allergies! Winter afternoons are harder. If I can’t contrive to make it seem like I have gotten a blast of arctic cold air in my face that made my eyes water when the train door opened just then I have to resort to looking out the window and making faces or pulling the big hood on my coat over my head as far as it will go to try and hide my face.
Most of the time though when I am reading in public I am trying to not laugh/snort/chuckle/giggle/guffaw out loud. I work in downtown Minneapolis and there are already a large number of not quite sane people wandering around the area and riding the train. There are a number of regulars I see nearly every day who have entire conversations with themselves, laughing and arguing, questioning and scolding. I am worried that if I laugh out loud while reading my book I might get lumped in with the resident crazies.
But why should it matter whether a book makes me laugh or cry in public? Why am I embarrassed? Why do I care what the people around me think? Maybe one of these days I will just say forget it and sob and laugh freely over my books in public. If I did that then maybe all the other readers on the train will be emboldened to do the same. And who knows where that might lead?
One day I went to a film (unnamed) and when it was over I began to sob uncontrollably. It was a little bit embarrassing, but there was nothing I could do about it. And I was sitting in the back row of the theater anyway. About a week later, I finally understood why that happened. No wonder I cried I said to myself.
It is horrible that people feel that crying in public with a book is somehow shameful- in a sane world it would be much less embarrassing than buying a copy of 50 Shades Of Grey….
I wonder if we have become more uptight about this in recent decades. Surely 19th century readers cried as they read their Dickens without feelings of shame. Whatever one thinks of this (Wilde’s great Little Nell quote comes to mind), it is surely wrong for readers to be ashamed of their emotions.
Ian, I agree, we shouldn’t feel ashamed crying in public over a book but in the US at least your non-reading friends will make fun of you and the anonymous general public will be made uncomfortable and in return make you feel ashamed for your public display. I wonder if we have become uptight? Those Victorians were repressed in so many ways but it does seem they were allowed to express a wider range of emotions in public.
Is it fair to say that crying at a book seems less a result of being emotionally manipulated? I know that is not very logical but a movie like Its A Wonderful Life, while being a deserved classic, gives me a feeling of resentment at being manipulated in that way. The best sort of boo-hooing comes when you are hit by sheer brilliance of a book, poem, song or whatever.
Ian, I agree that the best boo-hooing comes when you are hit by the brilliance of the work but I don’t think books are less prone to making us feel manipulated than movies are. I have disliked many a book for the obviousness of its attempts at emotional manipulation. I feel like it happens more often with the bestselling sorts of fiction as it does with the more mass-appeal kinds of films. But I think it is also a matter of taste too. There are lots and lots of people for whom Christmas is not complete without watching It’s a Wonderful Life at least once.
Richard, sometimes these things take us by surprise don’t they? It’s usually a movie that catches me off guard. Books rarely because there is more of a lead up I think, but sometimes a single sentence can strike me and before I know it, I’ve got tears in my eyes.
I think my most embarrassing moment was when I started tearing up in class… while secretly reading my book under the desk… oops! Public transport is nothing compared to that.
And laughter? I don’t even try to hide that any more. I like laughing too much to stifle it.
Ivynettle, that is a most excellent big oops! I suppose after that public transport would be nothing. I must take a page from your book and not worry about laughing anymore.
And there’s the time I called Stef sobbing uncontrollably from my car (listening to audiobook) when my favorite character in The Shadow Of The Wind got beat up. Between sobs I was able to explain that No, I wasn’t in a car accident, and everything would be ok. (or she reassured me, she may have read that part before me). Imagine the author trying to write that part and crying her/himself. I’m a softie and I like when a book makes me cry, or swear, or yell, or laugh….I’m sure more than one book has actually taken wing and traveled across the room.
Bookman, then there is the time you walked in the door after work sobbing and I was worried something terrible had happened. But it turned out that it was “only” Anna K who had died. I love that you’re a softie
You two are way too cute.
It’s disgusting, isn’t it?
I definitely laugh out loud when I’m reading in public, but I have tried to hide tears more than once.
Tracie, I’ll have to stop worrying about being classed with the crazy people for laughing out loud. So what, right? As for not hiding tears, maybe I’ll try not hide them next time and see what happens.
So you do the same faking a yawn thing, eh? Pull out the kleenex, wide yawn, dab, dab…. I try and avoid sad parts of books in public–not always easy. I mind less laughing out loud, but you’re right crying is frowned upon. It’s those, wow is she weird looks, that put you off. Unfortunately I’m the sort of person who will cry over a sentimental ad on TV–awful problem to have.
Danielle, so you are an aficionado of the fake yawn too? I also try to avoid sad parts of books in public but get caught sometimes. Maybe we should stop trying to hide our tears and let the she’s weird looks come because all those other people are weird for not crying over their books or even not having a book at all! I will cry at a TV commercial too. Sigh. We wear our heart on our sleeve I guess.
I laugh aloud while reading when it’s really good! I can’t help myself. Books very rarely bring me to tears, though- and that i would definitely feel embarrassed to expose. I used to read on the public bus and yes, I would stifle my laughter or exclamations (have you ever wanted to yell at a character in a book?) because I didn’t want people (all strangers) looking at me!
Jeane, oh yes, there have been many times I have wanted to yell at a character in a book but even when I am alone I usually keep it in my head though sometimes I can’t help myself. Then the cats look at me and wonder who I am talking to. I try to pretend I am talking to them but they know otherwise
Can you imagine the wonderful conversations about books you’d have if you just let it all out? I find that I cry really hard during particular books (way more than I do with movies0 — it is *agony* — and I just would not be presentable in public. I sobbed uncontrollably pretty much the entire last half of The Kite Runner, laying on my side in bed, a giaganic soggy mess. Not so good for public transport…
wherethereisjoy, I was thinking just the same thing. I suppose it is up to us readers to start crying in public in order to make the world a better place
There are some books that just make me teary but there is a book now and then that makes me sob and yeah, this fair complexioned girl would not be presentable in public afterwards for at least an hour.
I love your faking techniques. I, like you, have more trouble with laughing in public while reading than I do with crying (I guess I’m so well-trained when it comes to crying in public that I rarely ever cry at all while reading, even when I’m alone). I have often wondered why I’m embarrassed. I mean, it isn’t as if people can’t see that I’m obviously reading. Still, I, more often than not, try to stifle my giggles.
pv, thanks! I have been working on those techniques for a while now
I think this year I will start to work on not stifling my giggles and see what happens.
Oh that’s so sad that you can’t cry over a book. Much as the UK can be a nation of emotionally constipated types, no one would mind someone crying over their book. Undoubtedly someone would say ‘Cheer up, luv, it may never happen!’ which passes as great wit in some parts of the country. There’s quite a good Mr Bean sketch about Mr Bean in a railway carriage with a man who keeps guffawing like crazy over a book, which drives him to desperate measures. But that’s just Mr Bean, of course.
Litlove, oh, I think I am going to move to the UK so i can cry over my books on public transit! I’ve not seen that Mr. Bean sketch. I can imagine it though. I do enjoy Mr. Bean’s comedy
I find the older I get, the less I care about what people think. I do tend to read sad books at home so I can have a good cry and not have to worry about people around me.
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