I’m not a paranoid sort of person nor do I go in for conspiracy theories, but today, I swear, the universe was conspiring to keep me from reading. The day began well enough. I settled into a seat on the train for my 20-minute ride to downtown Minneapolis. My book — The Luminaries — made the time pleasantly spent. The train in the morning is usually pretty quiet, most people are on their way to work and no one has much to say at 6:45 a.m.
I was looking forward to picking up my book’s thread during my lunch break. I get 30 minutes for lunch and today was sunny and just warm enough to enjoy book and food on a bench in the courtyard outside the law school. But it was not to be. I walked out, sat down, took lunch and book from my bag and a woman walked up to me and asked if I was a lawyer. I told her no and she proceeded to tell me that the top of the trash can she had just put some paper in was rusty and I needed to tell someone about it because it was unacceptable. What I wanted to say was, “I’m not a lawyer but I’m pretty sure it isn’t against the law to have a rusty trash bin.” What I said was “ok” in hopes that she would go away and I had no intention of saying anything to anyone about it.
I opened my lunch and turned to my book but the woman refused to leave. For the next half hour she stood right in front of me telling me about her 50-year high school class reunion in Hibbing that she will be attending next month. She also told me about the five pins she had to have put in her ankle ten years ago when she slipped and fell on some ice outside a Walgreens. She told me her work history, that she had won a customer service award at Target and they had built a store in Virginia, Minnesota because she told them to. I also learned she weighs 164 pounds and her doctor wants her to lose 30 pounds. She has two younger sisters and a friend named Margaret.
On and on she went as I ate my lunch and kept trying to read my book. At one point she even said to me, I see you are trying to read a book, that’s great, but I just have to tell you … When I finished eating I put all my things back in my bag and the woman kept talking. I stood up which forced her to step back a few paces, said have a good day, and walked away. I was a little worried she would follow me, and greatly relieved when she didn’t.
While I walked to my train station when my day was done I ran through in my mind where I had left off in my book so as soon as I got on the train I could dive right in. But it wasn’t to be. This time a man in his late 20s to early 30s started chatting me up. He was from Nebraska and visiting his mom. He likes Minneapolis and comes here as often as he can and on and on he goes, half trying for a pick up — he was on his way to get some chicken and maybe I wanted to come to? — and half talking because he loves the sound of his own voice.
I had my book out, I was obviously trying to read. He even said, I see you are reading and here I am just talking at you. In my head I said, yes, so please shut up and leave me alone. In reality I half grimaced, half smiled and looked longingly at my book while he continued to talk and talk and talk. His conversation wasn’t nearly as varied as my lunchtime companion. And even though I pointedly mentioned my husband, “Red” as he called himself, continued to tell me I had pretty eyes and a nice smile and even though he suspected I was older than him (yes, I suspect I am, I told him) he didn’t think that was a problem. And apparently he didn’t think it was a problem I am married either since he even kind of offered to walk me home after he got his chicken!
He got off the train one stop before mine, thank goodness. But he shook my hand, told me I had soft skin and it was nice talking to me and he hoped he’d see me on the train again sometime. After he left I sat in stunned silence for the three minutes it took to get to my stop. What a day!
It used to be a book meant “leave me alone” and people respected the barrier it created. What has changed? I mean both people acknowledged I was trying to read and apologized for interrupting me but then kept right on talking nonstop. People don’t respect the book barrier anymore. I was trying to read on my Kindle so maybe that makes it easier for people to pretend like they aren’t being rude. Perhaps I need to ditch my Kindle and start carrying books around with me again? Somehow I don’t think a print book would have made a difference either, at least not today.
Has anyone else noticed people not respecting the book like they used to? Or maybe it is just me and I need to work on cultivating a “don’t mess with me” attitude that will make strangers scared to even glance my way? A scowl, will that work? I have to start practicing in the mirror because I’m not sure I can actually pull one off that doesn’t look like I am in intestinal distress. But then again, if people thought I was having intestinal difficulties that might effectively keep them away too. Hmmm…
I’ve developed a habit in my work lunchroom of choosing the most out-of-the-way spot, facing away from everyone else, in order to avoid conversation. Inside, I’ll face the wall, or, if I’m sitting at an outside table, I’ll choose a table on the end of the patio and turn away from the other tables. I figure that if people have to go out of their way to have a chat, they won’t bother. Sometimes putting in earbuds helps, too.
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Teresa, clever girl! I no longer have lunch in my library’s break room but people still manage to find me. I need an invisibility cloak I think. Earbuds is a good idea though, I will have to try it!
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I would never had looked at either person, made a sign that I was deaf, couldn’t hear, kept my head poked in the book or gotten up and moved elsewhere. Tomorrow walk to work, eat in the library courtyard, if there is one, and walk home again, if it’s as nice as it was today. Yes, I am sure you live some distance from the library. Have you ever taken a taxi?
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Richard, seven miles is a long way to walk to work! Taxis here are very expensive and you have to call ahead and schedule to be picked up. Not practical. I will have to try pretending I can’t hear!
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Yikes! Boundaries, people! Also, the “soft skin” remark is really the cherry on top of his other unwanted attentions, isn’t it? It takes him from boorish to creepy, somehow.
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Rohan, yup, the soft skin comment was the cherry on top. He started to get creepy when he suggested he could walk me home. Even creepier is that he was cheerful and smiling the whole time as if he were the nicest guy in the world and we were old friends.
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What a day, indeed! Funny to read about but I’m sure not funny when it actually happens to you.
The woman I can understand, she just needed to vent, not pleasant but not so horrible either. The guy on the other hand, I would have made a snappy remark, like your hands are soft too, your boyfriend must like them. If he assumes you’re available, why wouldn’t you assume he’s gay. Plus, it would have been funny to see his face.
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Delia, it is funny after the fact but during, not so very much! Sadly I am not one of those people who is good at snappy remarks. I always think of something good to say five minutes too late!
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I like the earbuds suggestion. I also think that people who don’t read can’t understand that others might want to lose themselves in a book. I feel bad for you!!
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eatierney, earbuds are a good suggestion I think too. I never would have thought of it!
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WOW! WHAT A CHAIN OF EVENTS! PERHAPS, YOU JUST LOOK LIKE A PLEASANT PERSON WHO WILL LISTEN TO THOSE IN NEED OF TALKING. HOWEVER, I TOO AGREE WITH YOU THAT THEY SHOULD HAVE GIVEN YOU THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT.
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waddlesbluhealer, heh, I asked my husband if there was a sign stuck to me somewhere that I didn’t see “please talk to me!”
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I recently read about a study that found that people are happier when they talk with the people they encounter incidentally, such as on public transit. Sounds like these two took that a little too far!
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biblioglobal, hmm, I enjoy chatting with cashiers or other people I am having intentional interactions with but seldom do I enjoy talking to random people. In my experience they are either mentally unstable, high on something, or trying to pick me up and so have no boundaries. Maybe that is just a result of working downtown in a large city and taking public transit!
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haha, this was so funny to read, but I can’t imagine it was pleasant. That guy sounded super-creepy.
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Nish, it was funny after the fact but not during that’s for sure!
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Earbuds, earbuds, earbuds. They don’t have to be playing music. Just plug them into the Kindle and read on. Works every time.
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Hope, thanks for that suggestion! I will have to try it!
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Wowzers; that was quite a day with two strangers! Maybe you could have asked each of them if they’ve read The Luminaries and proceeded to talk about the book. They would have become bored because the conversation turned away from their individual self as the center and they would have walked away. I hope today’s commute and lunchtime are more productive for your reading, Stefanie.
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Vanessa, the guy on the train asked me what book I was reading and when I told him he clearly had never heard of it because he immediately told me that he loves Stephen King and King’s are the only books he reads. Today at lunch I am going to hide in a closet and will make eye contact with no one on the train!
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Oh gross. Stephen King. and only him! what a ‘not bright crayon!’, I would have done my best willy wonka impression and said, ‘you lose! good day sir!’ and switched seats, but I’m brazen and outspoken. So glad that you could laugh at it all at the end of the day though! What an adventure and one worth sharing! In my end of the world I had an elderly man sit down next to me and start talking to me on a bench in the park two days ago, but he was pleasant. I did find it odd that no other benches in the entire area were taken by anybody, but oh well! On the other hand recently I’ve had a string of incidents standing in line for food where the person behind me is obviously subconsciously rushing and is invading my space (getting really close and being very antsy!) and making me feel really uncomfortable.
oh FYI, I’ve never posted but I absolutely love your reading and gardening adventures! I have bought a couple of books because you raved about them and I’ve never been let down!
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Just Sam, oh you made me laugh! Unfortunately in the train incident, I was unable to move because I was sitting on the inside seat next to the window and the guy sat down on the aisle seat effective blocking me in. Ugh.
Thanks for your kind words! I am glad to hear you enjoy my gardening adventures and that you’ve enjoyed books I’ve mentioned. You’ve made my day! 🙂
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Another vote for earbuds–they work on people who don’t respect the book. And those are the people you don’t want to have to listen to.
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Jeanne, I am definitely going to have to try earbuds!
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It’s amazing what strangers will unload on other strangers. I told Litlove about the lady I let go in front of me at the garden store because I had a lot and she had a deck chair. In the short time it took for her to check out I learned: (a) she used to garden but (b) was now a widow and (c) her husband died without insurance because (d) he hated her so consequently (e) she lost her home and (f) is forced to live in a crummy apartment (g) on welfare but (h) the money runs out and (i) she literally doesn’t eat for 2 weeks out of every month since (j) her children are rotten and are no help and (k) my suggestion that she contact the food pantry at a local church won’t work because (l) they’re “done” with her and (m) they refuse to talk to her anymore (n) and consequently thinks Christians are all hypocrites. But at least I wasn’t reading a book. If I was trying to read a substantial book, like The Luminaries, I might have been tempted to bean her with it. You were far more polite than I.
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Grad, oh you get strangers telling you stuff too? It’s amazing the amount of information a person can dump on you in a short span of time, isn’t it? yeah, the dude on the train was creepy. I’m glad he got off when he did and I didn’t have to call the police or anything.
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Oh, and the dude on the train was just plain creepy. Earbuds.
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Oh!!! no! no! no!! One of those eecky creepy guys….You know a book, like a physical book might help in warding atleast the eecky creepy gus off!!! I mean had you been carrying a physical copy of the The Luminaries, it might have deterred them away, because you can always use the 1200+ page book to thwak them on their head….but jokes apart…I know your pain…I have stopped trying to read at work…I usually get people asking me ‘hey!! you can join us….we more fun than your book” (Where did they pick up that idea????) or “you are reading …again?’ or the worst “Hey! You like books!! I recently read a Dan Brown/Sidney Sheldon and yada yada yada!!”
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cirtnecce, I’m sure a physical copy of The Luminaries would be intimidating but I’m not sure back pain would be worth it! 😉 Oh dear, they really say we’re more fun than your book? As if you read as a last resort? Ugh.
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I agree with the pain part…on the other hand you will get well developed muscles :)…don’t even get me started on the remarks…I mean talking to some of them is like a last resort…in HELL!!
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Sometimes, people are just lonely.
I am a loner myself and I prefer books over people. But sometimes, a stranger starts talking and I don’t feel comfortable but there is desperation in his eyes.
And i just listen. I guess he needs this more than I need reading my book.
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rust Agire, yes, some people are just lonely and that’s fine as long as they respect boundaries and that I may not want to spend my entire lunch break talking to them. You are far kinder than I am to not resent intrusions!
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Never make eye contact. The minute you make eye contact you’re done for! And worse if you make eye contact, smile in a friendly (even though you are thinking don’t bother me) sort of way. If you must say hello, do it while not making eye contact. It is hard to cultivate that don’t bother me attitude, but if you don’t it’s going to take forever to get through the Luminaries! 🙂 (That said I am often a magnet for chatty people, too….).
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Danielle, I thought I did generally pretty well in cultivating the don;t bother me attitude but something has gone weird in the last four months when I’ve had two other incidents of men trying to pick me up on the bus or train. Then this day just took the cake! I will definitely have to become vigilant about no eye contact and trying out earbuds and/or pretending I’m deaf!
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Stefanie — holy cow can I ever relate! I even have stopped going to a certain Starbucks I went to for years, because this one man would always talk to me — like, just come on over and sit down and commence yapping, no matter how much I did not encourage the conversation, or continually look down at my book, or even say “I really have only so much time to read every day! I’m sorry, I really want to get back to my book” etc. Still he would go on and on.
In these types of instances you mention, there is really one sure remedy, and it is one an old girlfriend of mine used to employ perfectly as men on the bus would always try and start chatting with her. [With all due respect to actually deaf people out there]… she learned how to make the sign language for “I am deaf”, and she would clearly mouth the words silently as she did it. That shut them up EVERY TIME! It is a sure-fire way to extinguish all the over-chatterers out there who are not actually insane.
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Cip, oh no, you had to stop going to a certain Starbucks? That really stinks. Good idea from your old girlfriend. I will have to try it sometime. Though with my luck the person will know sign language and catch me out. But it’s worth a try even on the insane ones!
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Oh poor you, Stefanie. How frustrating. I’m afraid I don’t have any suggestions besides the ones already provided, except, perhaps, you could start giving very odd answers that make them think you are mad/not in your right mind? That might work.
Fortunately I don’t use commuter transport given I’m retired in a very car-based city, but when I travel alone on planes I rather dread being stuck next to a talker. Usually though people are like me – you have a little chat to start with, and perhaps when food is served, then retire to yourself. The back of seat screens combined with ear-buds complete the isolation. I’ve notice that the time when people talk the most is just before landing when you all know you are not going to get stuck!!
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whisperinggums, heh, I’m not sure I could be crazier than the crazy people 😉 I don’t travel on planes much but I always dread sitting next to a talker. I have been pretty lucky so far!
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I know it’s rude, but sometimes I just pretend not to hear people and ignore them and keep reading. What do I care if a complete stranger, and a rude one at that, thinks I’m being snooty.
Earbuds seem like a good idea, and I guess the talker is discouraged because they believe you can’t actually hear them. But most people still hear with their buds in. Why would someone think it’s not acceptable to interrupt them while they’re listening to music?
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Isabella, You’re good. I have a hard time ignoring someone talking to me but I will have to start practicing it on strangers who intrude. Isn’t it sad that people more often respect you and don’t interrupt if you have ear buds in. Maybe I should start singing really loud like some many do, that will be sure to scare most everyone off!
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Well, coming off the back of my mad person encounter in the book shop, I think you were unfortunate enough to just get lumbered with two weirdos in the same day. On the bright side, it probably means you won’t have any more for several years, having dealt with your karma – so you can probably feel secure behind your book barrier from now on!
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Litlove, yes, the stars must have been perfectly aligned or something. Doubtful I will be able to go several years without another odd encounter given I take public transportation to work downtown five days a week, but I can hope!
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Little late to the party here, but I so understand this. I always seem to attract this type. Train solution: get off at the next stop & move to another car or wait for the next train. If they get off at the same stop to follow you, scream. Might have told the creepy guy that you were vegan and thought he was a chicken murdered, but even that may not have deterred him.
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