No reviews or memes or exciting links today. I just feel like babbling a little if that’s okay with you. If it isn’t, I presume you know how to take yourself elsewhere, not that I want you to go elsewhere, but you know what I mean.
So, read any good books lately? Heh. Do you hate it when non-readers ask you that? I do. I don’t know what they are expecting me to say. If I say yes then they ask me for titles and I kind of cringe inside because I know they are not interested in reading any of the titles I might rattle off. Sometimes I try to name books I think they might like in the hope that maybe they really are looking for a book suggestion. But mostly no matter what I say I get a blank but polite stare.
Now and then the non-reader might recognize a title or author and bark out commentary like, I read that and hated it. How am I supposed to respond to that? Or they’ll say, Virginia Woolf? Are you taking a literature class or something? And I will say no and they will be all astonished and say you read Woolf for fun? And then I get embarrassed because I can see the look in their eyes which is then followed by accusations of me being a super smart genius (um no) or a big weirdo (maybe?) but either way I am clearly not normal.
Then there is the follow up question, how many books do you read in a year? When a non-reader asks you this you know anything more than one or two is going to seem like a lot so when I stammer out that I read 67 books last year the person’s eyes get big and round and then they say something like, you must read really fast. Implying of course that if I don’t read fast then I really am weird because no normal person would actually spend so much time with books.
The conversation usually ends with the other person wondering how I manage to have so much time to read when they themselves are so busy there is not a minute in their day to sit down with a book. And I know this is a veiled accusation that I am somehow lazy and spend a lot of time doing nothing because reading, to a non-reading person, is nothing. The person walks away feeling superior and I am left to be the freak I so obviously am.
This is why I love the internet and book blogs. Because you all are my tribe. Among you I am completely normal and it is the non-readers who are freaks. We can babble on and on endlessly about all the books we are reading and want to read, about being excited over so-and-so publishing a new book or going to hear a favorite author read or the treasures we found at the used bookstore or the library. It feels good to be among you and not feel embarrassed or weird or accused. It’s home.
I laughed out loud this is my life.If people know your a reader they want suggestions most look at me cross eyed never heard of those books.If I lend them a book I loved I am usually greeted with a negative critique.I love talking lol tweeting to my blogger Twitter friends love to share the joy of reading.
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Rhonda, heh, sometimes it the real world it feels like we are becoming an endangered species especially since online it seems there are so many of us. Can you imagine what it would be like if we all lived in the same geographic region? How cool would that be? Fights at the bookstore over who gets the last copy on the shelf of the book everyone wants to read 🙂
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Truly would be wonderful to live near our reader friends.Even if there would be fights for the last copy of a book that would be quite a sight bookworms at war.😊
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I hate when people ask if I’ve read anything good lately! It’s like they’re trying to start a bookish convo with me, but whenever I get into it I always get the sense that they’re extremely bored and don’t care. I really don’t even get why they ask.
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What’s she reading, exactly! Sometimes I get snarky and say that I only read good books and point blank ask if they want a suggestion which leave the person not quite sure what to say in return. But then I always feel bad and mumble a few book titles and leave the conversation as fast as I can.
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Thank you, Stefanie. That’s very kind of you to say. I love it when people ask me what I’m reading. So I’ll tell you, even though your really haven’t asked. I just finished Jhumpa Lahiri’s In Other Words, an unusual memoir of her years in Rome and why she wanted to learn to write in Italian. And I’m well into Ethan Canin’s new novel, A Doubter’s Almanac about a family of troubled mathematical geniuses. I recommend them both to you. It would be fun to talk with you about both, even though we might do so on the Internet, which means as much to me as it does to you. Richard
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Richard, both books sound great. I’ve heard lots of buzz about Lahiri’s book. I didn’t realize it had been published already. So I just put myself in the holds queue for it. I am 118 and there are 40 copies in my library system so it shouldn’t take so very long for my turn to come around. I put the Canin on my library list instead of requesting it. It’s a chunky one and no doubt with my luck it would be my turn for it the same time as a bunch of other books!
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Ha. I socialize mostly with English professors. The question I get most? “How do you find time to do all that reading?” What else should an English professor be doing, I always wonder .. and also, they never seem to be short on time to watch the latest hot TV serial, so, ahem. 🙂
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Rohan oh that makes me so disillusioned! I always imagined English professors would be the very people who are reading all the time! Heh, yup, no matter what non-reader you talk to it seems there is always time for plenty of TV and it is so hard to not roll my eyes at them 🙂
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I’m more snarky. I usually say – all that time you spend watching Netflix, I spend reading. (Leaving out that I also watch Netflix.)
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I agree. I hate it whenever people who don’t read all that much try and ask for book suggestions. But I’m glad to know I’m not the only one who’s alone in feeling this way. And currently, the amount of books I’ve read this year is 7. Just finished a book I started yesterday a little while ago so I’ll be starting another book tomorrow. 🙂
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Raney, it seems these encounters with non-readers are a universal experience! Good job on your 7 books! I hope the new one you are starting is a good one!
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Yeah, that’s what I’ve noticed too Stefanie. And yeah, my new book so far is pretty good, thank you for asking. 🙂
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Beyond the young people working at the local indie bookstores, I never seem to meet anyone who reads. Breaks my heart. And I live in a city of over 1 million.
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roughghosts, it is very sad, isn’t it? I have two coworkers who are readers so we chat sometimes which is nice even if our reading tastes only slightly overlap. And I work in a library. Granted it is a law library but still, you’d think there’d be a few more reader types than there are.
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Exactly!!!!! Well said….especially when they look at you like they are just so much more busy than we are. (sigh) I hate that.
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Debbie, thanks! I know, the whole busy thing both annoys me and cracks me up. I am busy too but it is a matter of priority. I much prefer spending an hour of my time reading than watching some reality TV show!
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Stefanie, thank you for writing this post. I feel so light as though something heavy has been taken off my chest. 😉 The non-readers in my life call me a snob, and show-off. They think I flaunt my vocabulary, and keep babbling about books I have read. Some of them are rude enough to tell me that I am trying to become way too intellectual, and idealistic, because of which I might be unhappy, and single forever. 😉 And, I am irked more, when these non-readers want to borrow my books. These days I have learnt to say ‘no’ politely.
I love what you have written about blogosphere — it’s home indeed. 🙂
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Deepika, glad you enjoyed it! Oh yes, being called a snob! I’ve gotten that before too. Once or twice I have actually agreed and said yes I am a snob and yes I am smarter than you are and it felt good and bad at the same time but also kind of exhilarating because why should we have to apologize for being readers? Oh gosh, I never lend books to anybody unless I don’t care whether or not I get the book back and in what condition. It helps that most of my reading comes from the library so I have to no book to lend anyway 🙂
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Stefanie…I know what you mean! I remember ranting something like this on my blog way back as well. I get questions like How can you read all day? As if I am indulging in some unspeakable orgy or You read so much??!! Implying either I am super smart and therefore not worth being acquainted with or have no life which is just sad and therefore again not worth acquainted with! And naturally the question, who is your favorite author/book and can you suggest a good book to read. The latter is especially irritating since they have no intentions of reading any book and are trying to just have polite conversation! I so know the polite stare when we name an author, relatively unheard off!!! Why do you ask when you are really not interested????!!! Arrrgggghhhhhh! Seems like your blog touched my ever hurting nerve! 😉
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cirtnecce, heh, I know the horrors of reading all day like we are committing some kind of crime against humanity or participating in a morally questionable activity 🙂 Readers would all be evil geniuses trying to rule the world if we didn’t have so many books to keep up occupied! It seems I touched a nerve with a lot of people which is really sad when you think about it.
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Great post, Stefani! It struck a chord with me, as well. I always get looked at like I’m crazy because of the amount of reading I do… no one seems to understand how I could possibly enjoy reading all the time. The thing I hate the most is when they ask me to suggest a good book to them, because I know darn good and well that anything I suggest is going to be discounted as “boring” or complained about because “it has too many pages.”
The other thing I hate is getting nagged to read a trendy book that ‘everyone’ loves, because they think I’m going to love it, too, so they tell me a hundred times over that I simply MUST read it. No… no, I mustn’t. I know the Twilight and 50 Shades series were popular, but they wouldn’t believe me when I said I wasn’t interested. Very annoying.
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Thanks SusieQ! Oh yes! the “too many pages” complaint. Do you find it really hard to not gawp or roll your eyes? I sure do. And, Ack! yes. When Da Vinci Code was so popular I quickly lost count of how many people asked me if I had read it and how disappointed they were when I said no and that I had no plans to. Not that I am too good to read it, but it just wasn’t the kind of book I enjoy. Same with Twilight and 50 Shades. Sigh.
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I can’t stop myself from rolling my eyes. LOL! I know, I know, it’s rude but I can’t help myself. I’ve never read that book, either. I guess people think you will read literally every book that is popular, simply because they know you love to read. They don’t seem to be able to understand that preference in books is as subjective to personal taste as anything else. Reader problems, right? 😉
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Heh, don’t feel bad about rolling your eyes, I’m sure mine have wobbled more than once as much as I try to keep them still 🙂 Reader problems are the best kinds of problems to have!
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I couldn’t agree more!
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Hooray! for us.
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Robert, 😀
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Oh, Christ, I know. It’s like “so how are you?” but worse, because you actually have a million things to say and your interlocutor has got about 2% interest in hearing them. It actually hurts keeping it in sometimes. I love “You are my tribe”–yes, yes we are!
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Not all non book readers are like that but enough are to make me understand what you mean. I don’t see non readers as freaks but perhaps they are freaky about different things. In the UK it seems that talking about cars and soccer are the licensed obsessions for men to talk about….it can be soooo boring!
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I donno…my partner is rubbish at sports talk and can’t drive, and he usually finds something to talk about! I get what you’re saying, though; I think people assume that there are “safe” topics (which are often gendered) for public discussion. Which is, as you say, extremely boring.
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Ian, you are right, not all non-readers are like that. Some of them are kind enough to not care at all about my reading and never bother to ask about it which I much prefer to the ones who are trying to make polite conversation about it. In Minnesota we are allowed to talk about the weather, traffic, and sports so I am in complete sympathy regarding boring conversations!
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Elle, oh my gosh yes! The questions people ask but really don’t give a fig about the answer. Polite social ritual. I often wish just saying hello was enough. Don’t ask how I am if you don’t want to know. Don’t ask me about books if you don’t care. Oh if readers ran the world! 😉
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I guess, to be a bit more charitable, it could be a way of trying to signal that you remember something about the person you’re speaking to, like how some bosses/important folks will repeat their conversation partner’s name to prove they haven’t forgotten it. The only thing is, it’s so obvious that they’re doing it!
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Hadn’t thought of it that way before. I will try to be more charitable next time even though my inclination might be otherwise. Give them the benefit of the doubt 🙂
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Awesome! I guess we all do find those questions covered accusations. Felt like I was reading about my days. And working as a teacher, when I say that I read, the other teachers are like – how can you? We’ve got enough material to read to prepare lesson plans and teach kids, why do we need to read other books/stuff! And then these people complaint about today’s kids not developing Reading as a habit!! Isn’t this hypocrisy??
Totally agree with you, our world here is perfectly suited for non-normals like us! 😉
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SyedaFR, how frustrating to work among people who one would think were readers to some degree but aren’t! Do you ever want to scold them and tell them they should know better?
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Yeah it does! Sometimes I do try to make them understand, but then I leave them as they prefer! I’m new at this school, so kind of keep quiet. 😉😯
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Ah, well maybe once you aren’t so new anymore your readerly influence will begin to spread 🙂
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Yeah! Hope to do so! Thanks Stefanie! 🙂
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This is funny that you posted this, this week, because last night at line dancing I heard a conversation going on as everyone had just come in and was putting shoes on and getting ready for class when someone said how much they liked reading and someone else chimed in that she could just read all day. I didn’t join in the conversation, but I wanted to call across the room, “Me too! Me too!” Even though we may not read the same books, I still felt I had found kindred spirits…
P.S. I just went and placed a hold for a library copy of the new Jhumpa Lahiri book, In Other Words, because one of your commenters, Richard, mentioned reading it and that reminded me that I wanted to, too.
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Laurie, oh conversations like that are the best things to overhear aren’t they? I overheard one on the train a month ago and it warmed my heart. Made me want to stop reading my book and join in. How sad is it that we meet so few kindred spirits in our daily lives?
Heh, I placed a hold for Lahiri’s book at my library too because of Richard’s comment 🙂
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Great post!
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Thanks Anne!
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D’oh! I keep forgetting you can’t add any images in the comments. So those 2 words were accompanied by a picture of someone saying “Amen!” ;). Because I can totally relate to this.
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Great post Stefanie.
I tend to like the questions regarding interesting books. As I like to talk I see it as an open door to all sorts of bookish topics. Of course the questioner might end up regretting the question 🙂
You make a great point about book blogs and the Internet. The digital world has allowed us to connect in so many ways.
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Thanks Brian Joseph! You must be a much more optimistic person than I am when talking to non-readers! Kudos to you for that 🙂 Most of the time my questioners are the one who regret their question and it can be entertaining to watch them try and back out of the conversation!
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It’s true. I think we need to know there are others like us. I’m at the point in my life when, theoretically, I have nothing to do but read. But life intervenes and it makes me mad. How dare I be required to gather tax info for the accountant or wipe down the blinds or shop for groceries?! These cut into my reading time. I’ve been planning to get back to reading the classics I’ve missed, but I think my brain is out of training. Or I’m more susceptible to distractions.
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Joan, it certainly helps one feel less alone knowing there are others out there who like to read a lot 🙂 Heh, darn life, always getting in the way of reading! You can put off cleaning the blinds but not so much getting groceries, reading needs fuel!
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I’m pretty lucky not to have that problem often. Most of my friends come over with grocery bags stuffed with books that include returns and lends. If I asked how many books I’ve read this year, I wouldn’t have a clue. I enjoy your blog!
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Thanks writerly! Wow, how does one get friends like yours? 😀
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I love it when people ask me what I’m reading. But almost everyone I know is either an avid reader or at least aspires to read more. We don’t always like the same stuff, of course. I did get one rather snarky comment from a very old friend (English major and published author, no less) who asked me if I had seen a certain TV program. I said no, I really don’t watch much television. “Oh, that’s right. I forgot. You spend all your time reading. You’re an *intellectual*.” (intone the word). I l fly my weirdo flag high and proud. I’m so happy to be part of your tribe, Stef, and I ALWAYS want to know what you’re reading.
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You are such a sweetheart Grad 🙂 You are also very lucky in your friends. My friends are nice about my reading and will only ask when they are genuinely interested. It’s those acquaintance friends that get to be annoying sometimes. Ooh, and what a snarky comment from an English major no less! That hurts!
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Yes yes yes to all this. I like to read on the park bench while my kid plays- and sometimes other moms try to strike up a conversation. Once an acquaintance asked what I was reading. It was a j fic book about a horse- I had it for nostalgia’s sake and really was enjoying it, but felt embarrassed to tell her. As if I looked really silly to be reading a kid’s book. She never asked me what I was reading again.
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Jeane, I wouldn’t take her not asking again personally. No matter what you were reading the response probably would have been the same is my guess. 🙂
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This is why I like hanging out here. A coworker just the other day pushed a popular book on me that I have absolutely no interest in reading — that’s exactly the sort of situation I dread with non-readers, but I’ve decided to give this book an honest try before I dismiss it entirely.
What I don’t understand is how so many people can spend so long staring blankly into space on the bus or subway — I don’t have a terribly long commute but that’s where most of my reading happens. People who really want to read, make the time for it, or prioritize it over other things.
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Isabella, I hope the book your coworker pushed at you turns out to be enjoyable. I totally sympathize with you and the situation! I am with you on the bus and metro train situation. My commute is short too but it manage to get a lot of reading in during that short time. I don’t understand the people just sitting there either. Granted, I have been one of those people once or twice when my Kobo battery died because I wasn’t paying attention and neglected to charge it. But those few times have felt utterly wasted and boring. Can’t imagine doing it all the time day after day.
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I don’t think anyone has asked me this in — I don’t know when. It sounds horribly uncomfortable, anyway, especially because if someone says “Read any good books lately?” I light up like a Christmas tree and babble forever, and if they do not actually want to hear about the good books I have been reading lately, that would be less than ideal.
I will say that when people ask me what I’ve been reading lately, I try to pick a sample of things — like one thing I read recently that I think makes me seem smart(ish), one romance novel, and then whatever else miscellaneous thing I happen to think of in the moment. That way, I feel like I’m not bragging? I don’t know. It’s a weird balance to find.
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Jenny, count yourself lucky! I have an acquaintance who asks me fairly regularly and I know full well he doesn’t care he just asks because he thinks I am weird and he has no other polite conversation to offer. Drives me nuts.
I usually just answer the question with whatever book I am in the middle of or just about finished with or just finished with depending on what I know about the other person. I used to have a boss who really despised SFF and made fun of people of read it so I very carefully never mentioned that I love the stuff. Ugh
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Aww that last paragraph is so warm and fuzzy and yey. Book blog internet is truly awesome.
Nonreaders rarely ask me about my reading habits actually. I must have scared off any of the ones I know. Recently a new work colleague asked me for a romance book rec and managed to completely silence me. Haha. But I know that wide-eyed look when people ask about the number of books I read a year. Heh.
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Oh Nikki, what’s your secret in scaring them all off? Heh, yeah I’d be silenced if someone asked me for a good romance too. But since I’m a librarian, even if I work at a law library, I’d still try to figure out a recommendation because I wouldn’t be able to help myself :p
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Read on, girl!
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Currently reading “Lady Almina and the Real Downton Abbey” about the Carnarvon family’s Highcleare Castle legacy. So when I recently told someone about the book, they asked, what’s Downton Abbey? I’m all over the place with what I enjoy reading. I gave a good friend a copy of Nora Ephron’s hilarious “I Feel Bad About My Neck: And Other Thoughts on Being a Woman” as a 60th birthday gift. She still has not read it. I don’t gift books any more. If asked for a recommend, I only tell people about THE book I’m currently reading at the time I’m reading it. Then I turn tables and ask and listen to what they are reading. Sometime I even get an interesting recommend from them.
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Patricia, oh, that sounds like a fun book! Probably quite different than the TV show. I know there are people who haven’t watched Downton Abbey, though I don’t understand why, but not even knowing about it? Huh. It’s hard to give books as gifts. I like to do it but I limit myself to gifting people I know are readers and who will appreciate the thought and effort I made to choose something I think they will like. I like how you turn the tables sometimes. I will have to give that one a try!
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I completely agree! Thank you for sharing!
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I can so relate to what you’re saying here. Have been encountering such people throughout my (no-nonsense) reading life. And I think I was actually one of those people not very long ago. Until I consciously decided to educate myself more about what good literature entails. It’s a long process and one not many non readers ( or YA readers for that matter) are willing to undertake!
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Wajiha, reading itself is a lifelong education and learning to read well is an ongoing process but it sounds like you are well along the path and I do so love the path we are all on! 🙂
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I remember one time a co-worker asked me if I read so much because I really liked to read or because I wanted to show off. I still can’t believe that person asked me that. I’m sure we all have our strange encounters with non-readers but thank goodness for our tribe! Great post, Stefanie!
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Iliana, oh ouch that hurts! What nerve that person had!
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I totally relate with your blog. I normally answer awkwardly or don’t venture any title at all and launch directly the counter offensive: what about you?
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smithereens, maybe I lack bravery but I rarely turn the question around since I know most of the time the person asking me does not read. Yeah, I’ve been hearing blogs are disappearing too but book blogs at least are still going strong!
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I meant your post, not your blog! 😉 I’m glad I found this reading community online. Some people say blogs are going extinct but at least not the book blogs!
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Everything you said – you made me laugh so much. It really is a case of damned if you do, and damned if you don’t, isn’t it. And you last point is the real clincher – they go away feeling superior because we are clearly wasting our time on reading books. Do we ever look askance at them about their hobbies? Why is it that an activity that involves being quiet and developing your mind is not as valid as one that is active and produces something visible (an object) or measurable (some score or pb)?
Anyhow, very glad to be part of your trial.
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whisperinggums, you know quiet activities appear that you aren’t actually doing anything and there is not visual product to show for our efforts when we finish a book so it is suspicious. We are process in a product oriented world.
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Absolutely.
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Every single time. I am so with you on this one. There are few more awkward questions than someone asking if I have read any good books lately than someone who asks the question but could care less about the answer. Find something else about which we can relate or better yet, leave me alone. I always want to answer, “Since you so obviously consider reading to be beneath you, we will never be friends and I don’t want to further attempt a relationship with you.” But I chicken out because social niceties and all that. Some day though. Some day…
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Michelle, heh I chicken out too. I can’t manage more than mild snark and then immediately feel bad and apologize for it before trying to escape the whole situation by sticking my nose back in a book 🙂
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I always try to wrap it up as quickly as possible. I think they see it as appropriate small talk, and in my case at least as something they know might illustrate they’re interested in me, without really committing to a conversation. Problem is that question makes us want to talk and if you feel they think reading’s lazy it also makes you want to show them otherwise, talk themes and so on.
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Charlie, something tells me you must have these encounters frequently since you have such a measured, calm way of dealing with them 🙂 I will try to remember your method next time I have such an encounter 🙂
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To each their own, I say. I do get asked the “read anything good lately?” question but not very often and the people who ask me usually are the ones who listen and read interesting books themselves. I sometimes wonder how some people have time to read and review so many books on their blogs. I came to the conclusion they are much more organized than I am. 🙂
I once went into a house without books. I died a little bit inside.
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Delia, ah lucky you! Oh yes, houses without books are sad places for sure. I often wonder how people have time to read 100 or more books a year but figure if they can do it, more power to them! 🙂
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Hah–you do that, too? I totally tailor my book replies to non readers by looking for some common ground knowing they won’t have a clue otherwise what I am reading or what is on my mind. I tend to get a little exasperated sometimes but try and stop myself and use the moment as a way to talk up books. My own favorite is when a nonreader comes to my house and asks if I have read ALL those books. Buddy, if you have to ask this, you won’t appreciate my answer! And if I get any of their attitude about reading TOO much (really, can one read too much???) I always wonder, what is it you are doing with your time if you don’t read (b/c truly I can tell you it won’t be all that impressive in reality than what they are making us think!). 😉
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Danielle, ha! Oh yes, the look on people’s faces who aren’t readers when they see all those books at my house! It is priceless in so many ways. Aren’t you tempted to say oh yes I have read every one of them…twice! And then see what happens 😀
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It’s reassuring to know there are other book lovers out there who get asked these questions. I had some people ask what sort books I read followed up by remarking that reading books related to my work might be more useful than reading fiction or general non-fiction. 🙂
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(Please forgive my very late comment on this – I got quite behind on my feed reader and am enjoying catching up this morning over a nice mug of coffee!)
So much YES to everything in this post. Also – I find that many non-readers who can’t understand how I find so much time to read are completely up to date with every single season of the Bachelor. 😉
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Emily, can one every truly be late on something like this? 🙂 Also, I totally understand being behind on your feed reader, it seems I am nearly perpetually so!
Ha! Yes, the Bachelor or Real Housewives or whatever, the really important stuff! But they don’t have any time to read 😉
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