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Back when the internet was invented no one could possibly foresee that it would eventually be taken over by cats. I wonder if the cats of the world knew and planned the takeover all along? That would be very cat-like after all. Though if you bother to interrogate a cat on the matter, she will play it so cool you will quickly give up, convinced the stupid cat actually knows nothing. But don’t be fooled! My cats play that game all time — “I don’t know how I got up on the table!” and “I’ve been napping all day I don’t know how that fell off the shelf!” are regularly acted exquisitely in my house. So now as we bow to our cat overlords, what if we rewrote literature for them?

There is a thing on Twitter, a hashtag CatBooks with the idea to rename literature for the cats. So you have suggestions like “Slaughter Mouse Five” and “The Scarlet Litter.” The site EBook Friendly has been kind enough to to curate a few of the funnier ones — “Lord of the Strings” and “The Picture of Dorian Spayed.” Good for a giggle or two.

Also a thing, competitive book collecting. There is a National Collegiate Book Collecting Contest. Why did this not exist when I was in college? The winner gets a $2,500 prize and the student’s library gets $1,000. You don’t even need expensive and rare editions to win. Past winners include a collection of romance novels and a collection of musical scores of repressed Soviet composers. I am tempted to go back to college just so I can enter the competition. Then again, while I “collect” books they get collected because I am a reader not because I am a collector. I would totally lose that competition since I’d be selecting books based on whether or not I’d want to read them!

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