The transition book group last night was really good. We discussed the first chapter of Making Home by Sharon Astyk. There were about fifteen people there, many who were at the first meeting but a few who were not. The age range was also slightly broader than the first meeting, which was nice. As the discussion went on, I was really amazed at the wide range of experience people had. There was an astronomer in the group and another scientist who does environmental science of some kind. There is a minister as well and she lived with her partner and child in San Francisco for fifteen years serving a large homeless community. Another woman was an AIDS activist in the 1980s. There was a couple who had five kids and it sounded like they may have been foster parents as well. An older gentleman in the group who said he had always been different from other people just found out why a few years ago when he was diagnosed with Asperger’s. The one thing we all had in common was our desire to live in a sustainable way and some of the things people do came out during the discussion.
The evening began with everyone having a chance to talk about what parts of the chapter resonated most for them. It was a bit different for everyone and managed to cover all the large and not so large points of the chapter. As that discussion wound down, the group leader leapt in. It is most excellent that there is a group leader. She came armed with a white board and a list of discussion questions. She also had a talking stick because at the first meeting a few people were concerned about everyone getting a chance to speak and no one person having an opportunity to monopolize the conversation. But everyone was so nice and considerate, the talking stick did not need to be used and just sat, ignored, on the table.
We talked a lot about what home was and of course it means different things to everyone. We also talked about what we would like to change about our homes. Lots of us said we would like less clutter and many were working on getting rid of stuff. One woman said she knew a Buddhist monk who only kept 99 things in his home. These things included eating utensils and clothes. She said you’d think his house would feel empty but that it was the calmest, most peaceful home she had ever been in.
There were a couple people struggling with the need to downsize but who didn’t want to leave the home in which they had created so many memories or worse, the community they have become so much a part of. Another woman was trying to figure out a way she could remain in her home as she ages. She is already having difficulties and fears for her safety but also does not want to leave the neighborhood and all the connections she has there for a sterile apartment somewhere else.
We all spoke of home as a special place but obviously it also comes with much work and many complications. Some of those complications have to do with the way we live in our homes. American culture tells us we should all want bigger, more expensive homes and that we should close the doors and keep to ourselves. But none of us wanted that. And none of us wanted to be filling up our homes with useless, meaningless stuff.
We talked about gardening and solar panels and our reliance on corporations, about farmers markets and public transportation. We talked about creating stories of alternatives ways of living that are satisfying and comfortable and not about giving things up and making do. And we talked about all sorts of other things as well. It was a good night and both Bookman and I are glad to be part of the group.
In two weeks we meet again to read chapter two out loud to each other.
It’s so great to have a book group. The one I tried to start seems to have died; everyone who works at the college is “much too busy and important.” But perhaps I can try again sometime; it sounds worth it.
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Jeanne, it is nice! I haven’t been in a book group for years. And it is super interesting to be in a group with the pre-defined purpose of transition instead of a general fiction reading group. It puts a bit of a different spin on things. Book groups are hard to start and keep going. The last one I was in died after a number of really good years simply from weariness.
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This is so good . I liked the idea about “home”. Thanks for sharing
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homelessbook, it’s a really good book so far and a good group too. Lots of super nice people!
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What a fascinating discussion! I saw a bit of a Belgian television programme the other night, about a group of people of diverse ages who had decided they wanted to live communally – with shared spaces but also private spaces – and were working out how to do that, both in terms of the design of the home itself and in terms of behaviour towards each other. It was really interesting (though not for me, at least, not at this point in my life).
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Helen, yes! We talked a little about communal living and how it promotes more sustainability because of the sharing of resources. I like the idea but the way houses are built and living situations set up now it is really hard to create the kind of space I would be comfortable living in. As an introvert I would totally need my own private space to retreat to, I can’t be somewhere always around people. The program you saw sounds really interesting! I’m curious to learn more about it and how it could work.
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What a wonderful discussion Stefanie, particularly about “home”. It’s something my parents and Mr Gums and I are thinking about a lot lately with their just about to move into a retirement village and our thinking about when we should down-size. So many things your readers mentioned – decluttering, neighbourhoods etc – are uppermost in out minds. Sounds like everyone was really open and honest.
Fifteen is a lot of people for round table discussion. Well done to everyone for making it work.
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whisperinggums, I was pleased and surprised how well the discussion worked. Such a nice group of people! The discussion about home was really interesting. We had one woman who said that after she was divorced that she was briefly homeless so her perspective was a great contribution. It is really difficult when you have put down roots to pull up and move elsewhere even when you have good reasons for doing so.
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Yes I sure know about pulling up roots. Have done it quite a few times in my life, though most of the adult ones I knew I was coming back “home” so that’s a little different. Yet that’s hard in its own way too because you have to put roots down in the new place even though you know you are going to have to pull them up again.
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I’ve moved a number of times too and it is hard especially when you know you aren’t staying permanently. Always made me feel unsettled in more ways than one.
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On the positive side it can make you get stuck in because you know your time is limited and you want to make the most of it.
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So true!
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Love hearing about your book club. Sounds like you’ve discovered a great group. Lots of what you discussed resonates with me. Love the minimalist aspect. I’m always getting rid of stuff – who needs it all? Also we are in a similar quandary as others in your group. We’d like to downsize but love our house & community so much we don’t want to leave. Looking forward to next months meeting!
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Helen, yeah, they are a nice bunch of people. The minimalist is highly appealing to me though I don’t think I would be happy with a sum total of 99 things! I’d have to choose between books and bicycles and that is not possible!
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What a fascinating mix of people – that variety of backgrounds and expertise would certainly help keep the conversation flowing. In your discussion did you consider what is meant by the term home? Reason I ask is that my mum keeps talking about the house she/dad lived in as my ‘home’ though I didnt live there after I was 25. I consider the house I share with my husband as my ‘home’.
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BookerTalk, a very interesting mix of people and I look forward to getting to know them better. Oh yes, we talked a lot about what home meant. One woman said she has lived so many places that it have become more of a mental attitude than and actual physical location so that she can carry home with her wherever she goes. My parents still do the same as yours do even though I haven’t considered their house my home since I was 20. But I suppose parents might always consider where they are as home for their children, someplace we are always welcome.
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This morning I thought how great it would be to read this book along with you and your group meetings. As I can’t manage that just now I am keeping your blogposts as input for reflection while starting later in the year. So thank you beforehand!
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Cath, oh that would be marvelous if you read the book too! Whenever you might be able to manage it, I would love talking with you about it!
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What a wonderful book group! I love that you read out loud to each other. There’s something different about that experience and the way it produces a bond between the readers/listeners.
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AMB, at the first meeting when we spent the whole time reading out loud i was at first so very frustrated, what a waste of time! But then it dawned on me how reading out loud in a group is a great way to form community and the whole transition idea is based in community. When I realized that I was able to relax and really enjoy myself. Next meeting when we are reading out loud I plan to take some knitting with me to keep my hand occupied.
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This sounds like a great way to have a focused discussion! My husband and I are 55 and staying put for the foreseeable future, but our house was kind of small for a family of five, and not really that big for just the two of us! We have certainly accumulated a lot and clearing out stuff should be our next big goal after paying off the mortgage!
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Laurie, its a good group and reading one book over the course of a year is a great idea. Each chapter has a different focus which I am sure will provide plenty of interesting discussions!
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What a wonderful experience!! You know I really have very little furniture at home and since it is a huge apartment, at times it feels like it’s really too large…but somehow I would not change it…I like the wide open spaces and the shelves stacked with books and a rug thrown in for me to sit, browse and read!
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cirtnecce, oh, it sounds like you have a nice place!
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You have such a wonderful and diverse book group! I imagine each meeting prompts great discussions, and hearing each opinion of what makes a home would be so interesting. Downsizing has been on my mind for a few years–actually doing it is harder. Our house isn’t large, but we have accumulated quite a lot over the years. I cull books regularly, but they are replaced so quickly!
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jenclair, we just got started so this was the first discussion. The next chapter looks like it is about resilience which should produce a really interesting discussion! Talking about what makes a home was really interesting since there were some things I had never thought about before.
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What a neat story about the monk with 99 things. I hope you’ll continue to enjoy your meetings. I love book groups because you get to meet such interesting people.
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Iliana, I loved that story! What simplicity it entails. Yes, this group definitely has a lot of interesting people in it. I look forward to getting to know them better as time goes on.
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