Book group is coming up this Wednesday. We will read chapter two of Making Home by Sharon Astyk out loud. I jumped ahead and read the chapter already. While the first chapter was about making a home, the second chapter is about failure and yup, it’s scary and depressing but also motivating.
We have all been in a power outage, I’m sure, and some of us have been in extended power outages and still others have been in natural disasters. We know there is failure in the system but most of us don’t plan or prepare for it. Why?
When Bookman and I still lived in Northridge, California we had an earthquake kit. We had bottled water, food, a first aid kit, blankets, cat food for our cat, even a wrench that we could use to turn off the gas to the building if it ruptured. We kept flashlights next to the bed and shoes with a hard sole as well. We were prepared for up to three days without help, what the “experts” recommended. And when the Northridge earthquake hit in 1994 we did just fine.
When we moved to Minnesota and drove a lot more than we do now, we had a winter emergency kit in the car in case we got stuck in the snow while in the middle of nowhere and help was not immediately forthcoming.
At the moment, we have no emergency kit of any kind. We’ve slipped, feel too secure. We have no backup plan for heating our house in winter. No extra water. We have an emergency weather radio with a hand crank and light but that’s pretty much it. Since we’ve lived here there have been two tornados in the state that wiped out an entire small town. There has only been one tornado in Minneapolis that touched down briefly and tore the roofs off several houses. There have been two severe thunderstorms with straight line winds that blew down powerlines and tore up trees, sending them into houses and cars and causing generalized destruction. But we have come through it without losing power or a tree or even a shingle from the roof. And we have grown complacent, which is dangerous.
So when Astyk asks:
What if we treated failure as though it were a normal outcome in our lives?
It got me thinking. Because, it isn’t just the big failures we need to know how to cope with, it’s the small, every day ones too — the new job we didn’t get, the deadline we missed, the bad test score, the bike race we lost, the hole in our favorite socks. There is a lot of talk these days about “failing better” when it comes to business, but what would it mean to stop pretending that we don’t fail? That systems don’t fail? That societies don’t fail? That failure happens somewhere else but not here? And once we start thinking of failure as normal, how do we prepare for it?
Too bad it is just the reading of this chapter on Wednesday. I have a feeling the discussion is going to be really good, but I have to wait two weeks for it!
I definitely haven’t been as prepared for hurricanes as I should be. I have a flashlight but no spare batteries, and I don’t have much in the way of water backup systems. It’s like you say — I have become too complacent, because a few years have gone by since we’ve had a major hurricane down here. I’m sure it’s coming soon (ugh ugh ugh).
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Jenny, I know! I feel like I have been dodging failure and maybe I can keep dodging it but in the back of my mind is the niggling fear that something big is going to happen and I won’t be prepared. So we are going to start preparing first with food and water and then with solar lanterns and battery chargers and figuring out how to keep the house warm in winter should something happen. Hurricanes are bad news, be safe!
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We were without power for 14 full days last hurricane, and it was a miserable experience…and a reminder of how vulnerable to disaster the food and water supply really is in any large city in this country. Society can breakdown in just a few days in those circumstances.
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Sam, wow, 14 days? You are right though, for all the emergency services, etc, we are extra vulnerable in big cities.
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It’s about resilience isn’t it? When you fail you build resilience and it is the resilience that helps with the next failure. The problem is you never know what is around the corner and whether it will be more than you can stand.
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Kathryn, yes! It is totally about resilience! One cannot be prepared for every kind of failure but one can be prepared to figure out how to make it through and to bounce back afterwards.
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It’s hard to prepare for every possible failure. I feel like I’m always preparing for the last failure that happened to me. So although I have almost everything in our basement in waterproof containers, a few cardboard boxes have made their way down there in the last few years. I do have crutches handy in two places upstairs, though, and canes in the car and the coat closet.
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Jeanne, it is hard to prepare for every possibility and I don’t think we can actually do that. But we can be prepared in general with the tools to survive, with back up plans and problem-solving skills that includes not only getting through the failure but bouncing back from it afterwards. Sounds like you have some good things in place already!
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I was certainly not prepared for the massive failures of the political systems we’ve witnessed lately. And I’m not sure I’m coping well with it either, as the deeper reasons behind the outcomes become apparent (short version: manipulation by conservative millionaires who just happen to own tech companies). So much for my own emotional resilience. I’m very calm in a crisis but the aftermath can be heavy.
Where I live we don’t have extreme weather. We are well prepared with cold weather clothing, but that’s about it. I’m trying to prepare for a future with more expensive, less abundant food by learning to grow my own, and trying to teach the children how to do that. I worry more about how to prepare them for their future than about specific events and I worry about not knowing how to do that – what political and environmental upheavals will they face? Maybe growing things is small but a good place to start.
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On the emotional resilience point, I’ve made a real effort to model failing and making mistakes and that being a normal part of life, so perhaps that’s another contribution to preparing the children. I was reading that violence and anger tend to grow from experiences of shame and humiliation. If I can make mistakes times to learn rather than times to be ashamed, then I think I might be helping. Sorry to post twice!
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Maggie, love both your comments!
Yes, the political system failures are enormous and eye-opening! It was not something I was prepared for either. But now that it has happened I sadly see lots of other potential points of failure that it suddenly becomes more urgent to prepare for.
You are lucky you don’t have extreme weather where you live, that helps things! But yes, food shortages, water shortages and power and gas shortages are things I think we all need to prepare for no matter where we are especially since I believe the political failures make these other sorts of failures more likely to happen sooner rather than later! Learning to grow your own food is very important, and in the process, learning how to preserve it as well.
Regarding emotional resilience, very important! I am good in an emergency as well and wait to fall apart afterwards 🙂 I bounce back pretty well, but it did take me years to not have moments of panic after the earthquake when a big truck would drive by and make the ground shake a little. Good work on teaching your children! And I am really interested in your observation regarding shame and humiliation being the root of violence and anger.
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I try to keep my household prepped for emergencies. Of course, one can only be so prepared.
You raise a good point. Personally, no matter how much I prepare for failure, and understand that it can happen, it still comes as a shock.
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Brian, agreed, we can only prepare so much and after that, yes, it is the surprise of the failure that gets us. I think we have to find ways to prepare both physically and mentally.
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I must say that this seems to be like such an American point of view, and I don’t mean it in a bad way.
In France, where the climate isn’t extreme (so far), we don’t feel that we need to prepare for emergency situations, because we assume that the collective force will help us out (firefighters, army, government, whatever). It is probably idealistic from us (but then we pay heavy taxes to finance these expectations).
On a more moral point of view, failure is totally ingrained in our culture, as we are deeply pessimistic and always assume the worst. We don’t get praised as kids, as employees, etc. I personally prefer the positive, American culture, but it’s true that sometimes not wanting to acknowledge the normal, very real possibility of failure seem to us as naive or unrealistic.
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smithereens, interesting! We pay taxes for rescue services as well but are told that in widespread disasters we can’t expect immediate rescue and must be prepared to go without help for a few days. I find it fascinating that while you say people in France are pessimistic, you still expect your rescue services to be there right away to save you.
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Yes, I realize that we’re not totally realistic. And we like to complain a lot!
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Oh that’s funny! I know someone who grew up in France and moved to the US and she loves to complain about everything. I thought it was just her 😉
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I recently read Station Eleven, a novel about life after a virus wiped out 99 percent of the population. It is not one of those dystopian books about zombies and serial killers, which I hate, but interestingly makes you think about how you would cope in similar circumstances. Highly recommended.
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Michelle Ann, yes! Station Eleven is a good book for sure! I read it not long after it came out and like it very much!
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Your thoughts about failing to prepare properly are especially interesting right now. We are all so dependent on infrastructure and technology that we would be in a mess over any large system failure.
At the moment my concerns for political failure take precedence, and I wonder daily about the outcome of such a divided country, such antithetical opinions and beliefs. I think Kathryn’s comment about resilience should perhaps be the watchword
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jenclair, resilience is definitely a good watchword!
It is scary when you stop to think of how dependent we are on the larger infrastructure. During the last book group discussion a couple talked about how they had done a personal assessment on how and where they obtain goods and services and they were shocked on how much they rely on bigger systems for just the day to do day things. Given the political failures, I believe the likelihood of other widespread failures have increased which is a frightening and motivating (for me) prospect.
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When we lived in the country in Massachusetts, we lived in a house10′ from a small river, so we had a generator to run the sump pumps if the electric went out. It also ran essential appliances. We also had five fireplaces (it was a 300-year-old house) and lots of wood, so keeping warm wasn’t an issue. The electric did go out several times and we felt prepared to wait it out.
Now we live in the city and have no fireplaces, no generators, and I always feel vulnerable. I’m one of those people who feels they have to ‘do something’ in a situation. Fortunately, Philadelphia doesn’t get close to the snow we got in New England, and the occasional hurricane is the most we usually have to deal with, although there was a minor earthquake several years ago that totally freaked me out. When the electric goes out, the city is quick to repair the problems. But I prefer to be prepared.
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Joan, Yeah, I think living in a rural area a person is more likely to be prepared for failure, living in the city, not as much. My house doesn’t have a fireplace so I have to figure out a way to heat my house in winter for a little while if the need ever arises. That I think is the scariest prospect for me. We are looking into getting solar power on our house in the next year or two so that will definitely help our preparedness!
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This book looks fascinating! I might have to add it to my TBR. I really need to do a better job of planning for emergencies. If the last few months have taught us anything (election/Super Bowl/ Best Picture Oscar) you NEVER can know what’s going to happen!
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Laila, the book is an interesting approach to transitioning to a more sustainable lifestyle. The author is funny too, which helps! Ha! Yeah, you never know what might happen! 🙂
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I can imagine this book is going to generate a great discussion. And, now I think I need to go check batteries, light bulbs, etc. 🙂
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Iliana, I am sure it will. I suddenly feel like I need to have a solar lantern and a camp stove 🙂
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A few years back, we, too, were much more prepared for this kind of thing. But the sheer effort of making the preparations was so emotionally exhausting (and stressful – so stressful to always be aware of the pending doom) that we have not kept up with our original plans (and all the off-the-grid things we bought have, with time, become less useful – the cranks wearing out, just by using them in temporary emergencies – power outages and ice-storms etc). We should definitely be keeping this more front-of-mind than we have been, especially given the political climate alongside the actual climate we’re facing on this continent currently. Thanks for the nudge, and I look forward to hearing about the group discussion!
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buried, yeah, once you prepare you have to keep it up, it isn’t a one time thing so it does take work and is so easy to let slide. Sorry you found it so emotionally exhausting. I am actually finding the planning, etc to be rather comforting in a way and a way to learn new skills. We have plans to make a small solar over and a solar food dehydrator. Projects! 🙂
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We do not prepare for failure in our part of the world. War, Terrorist attacks, famines and floods, everyday events and the result of bad karma. We accept it and then move on, until the next crisis hits us and then we go into the same cycle again! I am not sure I agree with it; I know for a fact that blaming something so incongruous and intangible as Karma actually makes me more angry. But somehow accepting that failures will happen, which I know is a realistic way of looking at things, makes me angry as well!
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cirtnecce, oh goodness, what a fatalistic way to be in the world. It could be bad karma to be caught in a flood but wouldn’t it be good to have the means to cope instead of suffer complete devastation? Or is it that just by preparing you are asking for trouble? I hope you don’t mind me asking. I just want to understand since it is something quite alien to me.
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Oh!I agree completely. Atleast we should equip ourselves to fight the worst. But folks here generally think that what has to happen will happen and no amount of prep will do any good. On the flip side, if you have good karma, maybe you will tide over the worst smoothly in comparison to the other person who has bad karma!
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I suppose there is something like that in the US too, less karma and more like fate or luck. Also denial. Lots and lots of denial.
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My husband grew up in hurricane alley, and even though we live in a place where hurricanes rarely happen (fingers crossed it stays that way), he has an entire closet full of water, canned goods, and a weather radio. It’s gotten him on some “interesting” mailing lists (when the place that sold him the weather radio then sold his name/address to other groups!).
As for failure, that’s a very interesting topic. I need better coping mechanisms and so do my anxiety-prone children. They are stressing right now about standardized testing, which starts soon for my third graders.
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AMB, heh, I like your husband! I suspect as Bookman and I begin doing more things we might end up on some interesting mailing lists too 🙂
It’s interesting Astyk doesn’t talk much about emotional coping mechanisms in the chapter because I think that is an important toolkit to have. Hopefully she will say something about them as the book progresses.
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Such a discussion about failure might have been possible under your former president, but I don’t think your current one even knows the word exists. Yet, failure is an important thing to embrace, as uncomfortable as it is when it happens, eh? We are told that we learn through failure. We’ve been watching (from afar) our son move into his first home this weekend – facing all sorts of little failures through his misunderstanding of this or lack of knowledge of that – and I realised that these are all life’s lessons. He’s been feeling hopeless/idiotic but these are life’s lessons – and we never stop making mistakes (failing), feeling bad, learning a lesson (I hope) and moving on, do we?
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whisperinggums, yes, I fear you are correct regarding the current government. Many of us have a huge fear of failure and some kinds of failure fear is definitely warranted. But fears of failing that keep a person from new experiences, that is sad. So I agree, failure is something to embrace. It has taken me a long time to learn that and when I do fail, yeah it stinks, but I always learn so much so that next time I know will be different. I suppose it is hard to watch your son and not swoop in and try to help, but you definitely don’t want to keep him from learning some important and necessary things. Finding the balance as a parent must always be hard no matter what age the children!
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Failing gets a really bad rap, but if we don’t fail or things don’t fail they likely will not improve either I suppose!
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Danielle, failing does get a bad rap and I admit, it has been a long, hard struggle for me to not be afraid of failing at things but I have gotten lots better with age. Yet you could still say that sometimes I fail about not worrying about failing 😀
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